One of those days....

Do you ever feel like you are having one of "those" days? One of "those" days could mean anything. It could mean something generic as just having a bad day or something a little more specific as everything you do turns out horribly wrong. Mine seems to be in the the middle.

The day was ok to begin with but then it took a left turn that I didn't see. Everything I have said to someone has been taken the wrong way and made them upset. Even if I try to fix it, it still turns out wrong. It is to the point of "I GIVE UP". I give up on talking to anyone. I will shut myself in my room and not come out until tomorrow comes. Sounds like a great plan, huh? As soon as I consider this plan, I realize exactly why I can't do this. For the same reason the whole world can't shut themselves away somewhere and hide; I have things I need to do. At the very minimum, I need to pick up my husband from work. That won't be until late tonight, though. So I can hide myself away in the meantime, right? Wrong! There are minor little errands I also need to do today, since payday is today. We have been waiting until payday to buy things that we need, like soap or food. Little things like hygiene are not always necessary to some people, but I like to think that I am above that and can at least manage to stay clean.

Now, the procrastinator in me says, Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? This does not help when I am trying to turn over a new leaf and not do things like that. I suppose I could hide instead of in my room, out in the world. When you hide enough in the world, you begin to realize it is not all it is cracked up to be. I could go see a movie. I could go to the bookstore. These are some of my favorite places to go. When you are feeling a bit down and afraid to speak, then out in the world is not a place to hide. There are too many people out there who want to talk to you. So this is the conundrum, do I stay in my room and hide or do I go and hide in a crowd of people?

Now there is always the ever-present third option of not hiding, but after all of the fiascoes of today, I don't really want to attempt that just yet. The fact of the matter is I need to stop whining to myself or others and get over it. I think I will have to have a little "me" time to get myself straight and then stop hiding.

It is sad when you have to argue and then compromise with yourself just so you can make yourself feel better.

The joys of being pregnant....

My sister-in-law gave me a pregnancy calendar. It is actually quite hilarious. It has quotes in it that say, "Pregnancy is the happiest reason ever for feeling like crap."  Those words are too true. I had a lovely visit to the ER yesterday. I was dehydrated bad enough I couldn't stand without coming close enough to pass out. I promise I drink water 10 times a day, but yesterday it wasn't enough. I also have had an infection for a while with absolutely no symptoms of one. The doctors couldn't figure it out. Because I was dehydrated, I had to have an IV. Have I mentioned how much needles freak me out? The nurse was very nice, but it still hurt like crazy.

I got to see the baby again. The doctor wanted to make sure the baby was doing OK. She was actually amazed because my baby posed perfectly for it. She couldn't stop staring at the screen. She was in the middle of showing me when the battery died. When they finally got the machine plugged in, the baby had moved and was no longer posing amazingly perfect. After that the baby wouldn't hold still for anything. It was kinda funny. It made it an interesting ER visit and the horrid IV worth it.

A mostly good day, YAY!!

I woke up, lazed about a bit, took Jon to work, got to hang out with my best friend for a little while before she had to cater, saw a movie, and now I am waiting for Jon to get off of work. Poor guy is stuck there until late. Bad day at work for him.

BTW if anyone is actually reading this that knows me, do not say that horrid nickname for my unborn child. I have told my mother exactly how upset I am over that stupid name and all she does is laugh in my face. I thought she could at least have a little bit of respect for my wishes on the matter but all she does is tell her friends and laugh about it. I told her I would quit speaking to her if she didn't stop it. Again all I get is laughter. I was having a good day and then all the irritation at my mother for her idiotic notions pissed me off.

Also, The Sorcerer's Apprentice was a neat movie. A little predictable, but still a good movie.

Warning: This is not a happy post!

I can't seem to find a balance. I was happy this morning, and then I switched. I have irritated most of the day. Honestly, this time I think I have a reason. I think I have all rights to be irritated when your husband tells you that you look like you could be Two-Face's wife. Even if he said it jokingly, I think that was taking it a little far. If he tells me all the time that I am beautiful, but then turns around and tells me things like this, which am I supposed to believe? It is not the first time, either. I didn't want to have anything to do with him today. I was hurt more than anything. When he couldn't figure out why I was upset until I explained it to him in detail, I was irritated. Someone tell me that I am not justified and I might believe you.

Oops... forgot something

I forgot to mention how my first doctor visit went. It was at 8:00am at University Hospital with Dr. Burns. I had my first sonogram and Jon was with me. He got to see it move and dance around. He was happy but still on the verge of freaking out. I was happy and excited. So far everything is going perfectly. My next visit they are going to do the blood work to check and make sure everything is OK. I think that covers everything. If not I will end up adding more later.

WOW.... I forgot I had a blog!

I seriously forgot I had a blog. My friend who actually inspired me to blog in the first place reminded me. I actually used to work for her. I worked for her during her entire pregnancy. I can really sympathize with her now. Apparently, the consensus from everyone I know who was pregnant says the baby sucks out your brains. I used to harass her about freezing me out of the office when she came in. It was all in good fun and she knew it, but I still had to bring a jacket to work even in the summer. I completely understand now.

I am roasting in the house and my husband, who is from Canada by the way, is freezing. He keeps turning off the fans or the A/C in the middle of the night. I got fed up and told him I was going to rip the switch off the wall if he did it one more time. Then I got emotional and apologized to him for snapping while I was sobbing horribly. He was perplexed and didn't know how to respond because this all happened in the span of maybe 30 seconds.

I feel like a psychotic person because I can't seem to either keep a thought in my head. If I am not forgetting something then I am thinking that my world is ending because I can't find something in the grocery store.

I never saw my boss go crazy, but I did hear about it. If the way I feel now is the way she felt then I applaud her for keeping her composure so well. I only ever heard of her losing her composure very few times during the nine months she was pregnant.

You might notice from some of my earlier postings that I sounded a pissed off and emotional. That is hopefully not going to be the norm. I wrote those when I was so sick, tired, and pissed off because I couldn't manage to ever stop the nausea. Thankfully, I am mostly passed that.  I expect that I will still have some emotional postings, but I will try to keep the craziness to a minimum.

I don't know what to do!!

I am a horrible mom already. I have 2 dogs. I didn't even think of what this might mean for them. I don't want to give them away or anything. I don't know what to do. I have read up on some things to try. Make myself smell like a baby would so they would get used to the smell. Obedience training was another suggestion, but I don't think I can afford that. There are some classes to help the pet get used to the idea of a baby. I can't freak out about it forever, I know. I just needed a frantic moment. I will consult my veterinarian and my doctor to see if they have any suggestions I can try before giving away my dogs. To me, that is a last resort.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

I am getting no sympathy. I am tired all the time. I am nauseous all the time. It is a miracle I don't hurl all the time. All I hear form everyone is, "You need to try and stay awake during the daytime." or "Why don't you want to spend time with me? All you do is sleep."
I tried to stay awake during the daytime and I fell asleep standing up. The only thing that changed then was instead of sleeping for a couple of hours, it was an hour to an hour and a half. I don't get sympathy with the nausea. Ooh, my favorite is "Why don't you want me near you?" He says as he has a bowl of food in his hand that is making my stomach churn. I love my family, but damn it are you serious! I do have to say he is being really good about it, too. When he rubs my belly, it makes the nausea go away. He does it without me even asking to most days. He is understanding about a lot of things but I wish he would be a little more understanding about others.

It is funny that we have already had that moment where he is confused and trying not to laugh because all I can do is cry at him and ask him why he is mad at me when he blinked that way. I can't seem to actually sleep at night worse than it was before. That would be why I am blogging about it at 7:30ish in the morning without being asleep yet. I am finally feeling tired so night.

Pregnant???

I just found out I am pregnant. I found out in an ER no less. I fell and thought I broke my wrist. The doctor wanted to test me just in case before I had an X-Ray. He came in and announced it like I was dying. We have been trying for 2 years. I was excited and pissed at the same time. I was happy that I was finally pregnant and I was pissed at the timing. I had planned a girls' weekend with my friend. It was to theme parks and such. We couldn't go to Six flags but I still got to do White Water and the Georgia Aquarium. I found out that I am old at 26. I could barely keep up with the little kids running around. We had fun but that is slightly off topic. I want to know why my husband who was excited about the prospect of children for a while is now all of a sudden freaked out. He refuses to even talk about it. I have to bring up the topic and then actually keep the conversation going almost by myself. I don't get it and it irritates the snot out of me!! I don't know what to do. He has to face it sooner or later but hopefully it would be sooner so he doesn't check himself out on me so I am not doing this by myself.